The new restaurant

One of the hoods is coming out tomorrow. The nun and I always take him out to a restaurant. Growing man, needs food. I like him because he likes the same martini that mother always drank. So fond memories come up. Who else orders a Bombay Gin Saphire Martini? That is class! It heard about this new restaurant in the area and just wanted to see if I could find it. I was by myself. I found it. I just wanted to have a look around inside. I did. Once inside, I thought I might as well see how the food and service is. Limited menu, ordered a hamburger, forgot it was Friday in Lent and the service was slow. Well, it is one of these crossover, crossdressed restaurants between Caribbean and Cuban that should stay on the islands next to a pool. I expected too much. Probably back to the Irish pub next door tomorrow evening.

A wonderful day at the beach

Had a lovely day at the beach, followed by a late dinner and heartburn.

Factory life

Went to the factory this morning. No yoga class. Straight to the assembly line to make mice. Once they were alive, we taught the mice about friendship based and a young David and an angry Saul. Third week no e-mail at the factory. Server problems. I am living a very sheltered life over there. No news is good news. It was noted by Miss Fritchely that I will be absent tomorrow. She of course wanted to know where I would be. I happily told her "at the beach." I asked my department this morning - while we were making mice - what they wanted in the new guy. "That he be ordained," came the quick answer. Amen. I am getting too old for this rigmarole by the hierarchy. I am happy now that the Great Herod killed any possibilities for an advancement. I rather meet my friends at the Diner or go to the movies.

Back pain

My insurance company called. "We have identified you as someone who could benefit from our new program. Our records indicate that you are suffering from low back pain." "I have never suffered from low back pain in my life." "Oh, then we will remove you from the program." "Please!" The progam really works, fast and efficient, and I have no more low back pain.

Despite the rain

Today we had bible class at the Church of the Crucified. It is really a wonderful group and I want to stay part of this group. Then home to my knitting class. We discussed the Big Herod. We usually don't, but I did not want them to hear from others what they should hear from me first hand. Someone told me today that some time ago one of his favorites called her to suggest to her to stay away from me "for her own good." Oh how slick.....I had not heard of this one. The last day or so he is suggesting to another friend that I am accusing him of something he did not do. Funny. Like what? Would I really go to Chucky myself? Whom is he kidding! I do think I put the brakes on things - otherwise he would not see the need to defend himself. Nobody has contacted me from Chucky's office. I don't care if they do or don't - as long as they leave me alone. I feel so free since I wrote the Big Herod.

How much poetic license?

I went to this church tonight for a retreat. Had not been there for a while. Got fascinated by the cross which shows Jesus, without any blood of any kind, being nailed to the cross. Is looked like Jesus just decided to go to bed at night and fall asleep and there was nothing better than the cross. No suffering, just peaceful sleep. Not the kind of cross I like. After all, he was beaten to a pulp. Show SOME suffering and pain.

A new toy

I opened my laptop at the factory today. It had not been opened yet. Took me forever to figure out the connection to the internet. I still have no idea how to get e-mail on the laptop and I am suspicious that Publisher was never installed as it was supposed to be. I can install Publisher myself. However, the darling thing looks wonderful as a food tray.

What was it?

Mother and I traveled a lot and there were certain countries where we never dared give the waiter two orders at once because they forgot them both. Went to a local doughnut shop with a friend recently I ordered a latte and a decaf mocha. We got one drink: a latte decaf mocha. I have no idea what this concoction is or was but my friend said it was good. "Where is the latte?" "Ohhh, you wanted TWO drinks?" "Well, yeah!"

Chucky also got a notification today concerning the Big Herod. I had only e-mailed the Big Herod and realized he could deny he ever got the e-mail. So today copies went to Chucky and to Big Herod's parish council. I just want to be left alone. Hope this will do it. It should slow the Big Herod down and I certainly would go through with it if he keeps coming at me.

Two different kinds of white

The nun and I went to the Third Order hoods today. First we had a chapter meeting and then we prayed in the big church. With all respect to the Holy Spirit, the bowing, back and forth praying and following the Liturgy of the Hour is pretty intimidating for a lay person. It was very nice and the nun loved the praying. Some of the hoods had actually their hoods up as we entered the church. It looked like a Klan meeting because all their hoods were white.
At a small lake this morning I saw hundreds of seagulls flying around, tightly together. It looked like a white cloud going up and going down. They had a rhythm all of their own. Not sure if it was an eating frenzy or some mating orgy. The few poor geese and ducks among them on the ground looked forlorn. I felt like one of those geese or ducks during the Third Order prayers. I must improve my rhythm.....

Weekend

I got my new laptop today to be used in the factory. A Mac, also dual loaded with XP. We shall see. A new adventure! It was my birthday present to myself.
Went to the Church of the Crucified this evening. Fr. Ghana was there. One can understand his English. A little bit clipped but understandable. He is very holy and I like going to confession to him. I also took a friend along. We also do a little African singing every so often and I like it. It fits there with an African priest. Tomorrow morning I will be at my own church, the MandM church. It has become home and if we don't get a lemon priest next, I will stay there. I feel oddly a peace having giving the Big Herod an ultimatum. He wants to destroy me and is really destroying himself in the process. Yes, it is sad to watch.
Tomorrow is a chapter meeting of one of the Third Order Hoods. I am taking the nun along. It will be a new experience for both of us and I don't have to drive by myself. We enjoy discussing theology during our drives and nobody pays attention to the road and we get hopelessly lost. "Where are we?" "Virginia?" "How did we get to Virginia?" "I thought you were paying attention." "I thought you were paying attention." "Can we make a U-ey on a six lane highway?"

An untypical Friday

Yesterday I wrote one of those "Dear John" e-mails. I had thought about it and needed to slow the situation down. I hope it works.

Our trip to Mr. Finkelstein's new factory got cancelled. The plane could not take off because of bad weather. I was the sandwich fairy in the neighborhood.

My laptop should be ready for pick-up today. Can't wait.

The Questionnaire

Chucky is sending us a guy who will question us what kind of boss we want. The guy who is coming keeps following Mr. Finkelstein around. I got an invitation to go to the beach on the same day. I think I will go to the beach. In the end, they are just going to send us somebody who is available or someone who just escaped from an insane asylum. I don't think it matters if I am there or not.

Birthday Greetings

It was my birthday yesterday. One of the hoods called and sang: Happy Birthday dear Bell and let Fr. .... go to hell. It is nice to be surrounded by sweet friends.

Teflon

The teflon priest in the area, who instigates all sorts of dirty stuff, but wants no dirt sticking to him, called my friend and told him to talk to the na-nun-zi, who is Chucky's assistant, because he, the teflon priest has "nothing to do with it." He tried the same stuff when mother was still alive. He starts trouble, sends it up the chain and then claims the upper echelon is dealing with it and he has nothing to do with it.

The worst list

10. Skunks
9. roaches
8. worms
7. snakes
6. scorpions
5. mosquitos
4. grubs
3. bagworms
2. rose borers
and NOW Number 1
The pastor at the Six Flags Church

Dear Chucky

Dear Chucky -

I know you are very fond of me but despite your advances, have you ever heard of a pre-nuptual agreement? That means I keep my money and you keep yours. Sorry, I won't pay off your debts and you won't inherit anything either. Well, yes, I am disappointed, too, but we all have our disappointments in life. You will get over it.

Yours fondly,

Lara

Chucky

At the rate I am either running into Chucky or having to deal with him I expect an huge diamond engagement ring soon and an elopement. Stay tuned.

Ouch

The Big Herod went to Chucky and complained that there were flyers at the Church of the Six Flags which had my name on it. Actually, a friend had added my name to his name and also distributed the flyers. What did it say? "Seniors come to an early bird dinner at the local pizza place!" The Big Herod did not go to the friend but straight to Chucky. I called the friend this morning and told him to cross my name out. We need a conversion and short of that a move!

Busy Bee

Busy day - Bible Class in the morning, prayer group in the afternoon, dinner at the Diner with the nun and a full moon. Do nations have guardian angels? It's a big topic of discussion among us. We prayed for Pater Wolfgang since yesterday. He hit a brick wall and knocked himself out. OK Pater Wolfgang, next time look for the door first.

Lobby Night

I went to a Lobby Day and Nighter. My close friend Chucky showed up. Also ran into somebody who had left the Church of the Six Flags over Jesus about a year before I did and we compared notes. Ended up with the group that lobbied for healthy puppies, good beer and the repeal of the death penalty. I agreed with all.

The birds

It is a georgeous day outside. I watched two vultures. Either they were ready to mate or were waiting for me to drop dead into the gutter. I presume that either or both results would have been enjoyable for them.

Brown or Black Squirrels

I suggested to the nun that she come along and become a Third Order Black Squirrel. They give you a black squirrel coverlet over your casket when you die. She agreed without thinking but yesterday came back and told me that she is only coming on a trial basis because she thinks the brown squirrels' third order might be more to her liking. I had tried the brown squirrels' chapter some years ago. Unfortunately, they were very lame, lame not tame. I told the nun that she could switch squirrel fur any time. The black squirrels here are into art. The brown squirrels are into the environment.

An evening out

The nun and I went out tonight and ended up at a party. It was a Lenten party. Something new. It was well attended. We said hello to Mr. Finkelstein who happened to be in town. He looked pretty good. Working with cuckoos and cardinals seem to agree with him. I guess no bird has escaped the cage yet. If one were, he'd be in trouble. These are pedigreed species. We took a picture of Mr. Finkelstein and his friends. He is in the middle. I am the one in the lower left hand corner with the saphire gin martini - in honor of mother who died almost two years ago. The nun is not in the picture. She was too soused and already under the table.

The Weapon of Mass Destruction

Solved puzzle: This is the weapon of mass destruction that President Bush saw. You sit on it and then you get bombed. We should have found it earlier.

The Titanic

I went to the morning assembly at the factory today. Quite a few people have left the ship. It is noticeable. They sent a border collie from Homeland Security today. He claimed to be a Jesuit and said he was Catholic. Oxymoron? He was pretty good. An announcement was made that we will not have a new boss in March either, not even a temporary one. One feels the ship is sinking. How far and if it can be bailed out and fixed remains to be seen.

Hood dinner

One of the hoods came out for dinner. It was, as usual, very nice but earlier in the day he and the pastor of the Church of the Six Flags over Jesus did a grave digging job together. Opportunity lost to shove him in, the pastor that is, and bury him alive. I hope that the hood does not fall for the political charms of the pastor. That would hurt.

Lord thank you

Lord thank you for sending the hoods in my way. I think I will make this my daily prayer of thangsgiving. Brown hoods, black hoods. They are nice and take the vow of poverty. There are a few nice diocesan priests that I have met but I can count them on one hand.

I stand corrected

I recently blogged that the Church of the Six Flags over Jesus was hitting up people for $30,000. Well, yes, but that is the LOW end. Somebody who is a collector told me that there are various lists and some people are in the $50,000 and $100,000 category. I also totally forgot that at least two donors are on the l.5 mill category. It is a very poor parish. Have pity on them.

Politics

I am getting stupid e-mails that are pro-Republicans. I am e-mailing back that the Republicans recently found the weapons of mass destruction and dropped them on the housing market. Out here we have lots of Republicans. They are worried about raising taxes. Nothing else seems to count. There are very limited ways to get us out of our national deficit. Pass every expense on to the States and they HAVE to raise taxes because they must have a balanced budget. Create a bigger deficit and ruin the dollar some more. Print money and create a period of hyperinflation. Heh folks, 3 billion for a hamburger. How does that sound? Then we won't have to raise taxes, nor get out of the deficit - that will take care of itself - and live happily ever after.

The ape thinks so, too.

As the world turns - so does the stomach

Learned that the pastor at the Six Flags over Jesus passes confidentidal information around. Why am I not surprised? I had a inkling he did but it got confirmed by someone on the staff. Someone else divulged that the people who are on the hit list for donations are asked to commit to 30,000 for the proposed new addition. That is per family. That's a nice chunk of money. Come to think of it this amount would pay for a nice funeral.

I am glad I am not longer on the hit list for the Six Flags over Jesus. As time goes by, I favor the hoods more and more. The Archdiocese is running a Lenten appeal. I have my own Lenten appeal: send us a holy priest and don't make promises that you can't keep.

Happy Valentine's Day

with

from Lara

The Hoods

I hung out with the hoods tonight. There isn't a hood whom I have not liked.

Went to the factory this morning. Staff thinks that we are left out to dry. May be, may be not but there won't be much left if we don't get a chief soon.

Communications

The factory sent an e-mail around about communications today. It started by one of the staff members. It was very good. However, it went around and around and around until someone wrote very piously "we should not attack each other." Nobody had but the person who originated the e-mail felt it was meant for her. It's getting to be fun working at the factory.
Another e-mail informed us that we will not get a new boss by March 1 either. I guess it is very difficult to recruit somebody for artificial intelligence work.
Tomorrow morning I am going to my Yoga workout at the factory and then I train new employees for assembly work. They learn how put mice together: body, four legs, a head and a tail. We blow into their nostrils and, voila, they come alive and are ready to go! Then we teach the mice "Why Catholic?"

The factory has been rebuilt

Back in the factory again. They are still moving boxes but I could get at least my e-mail today. Miss Fritchley dominating the lunch conversation. No surprise there. I had bought a bowl for the factory once and she opinionated that it was ugly. I looked her and said: "Thank you." At that point she probably realized that I donated it. People like Miss Fritchley are ultimately bad for the pocket book.
The Big Herod showed up and had his temperature taken by the factory nurse. Afterwards somebody wanted to know if he was "normal." Too funny for words. Chucky came, too, today. One wonders what they are up to.

Entertainment?

I just read a blog where the blogger - very Catholic of course - mused if Mass should be entertaining. Result: (surprise) No. While in general I agree, there are a few things that the Catholic parents could improve upon. Have children sit up front. For the life of me I can't understand what parents try to teach their kids about the Faith if the kids only see some adult's back. Don't permit crayons, crackers and juice. It's not a show. Bribe your very young children differently. Give Junior a dollar if he remembers just one theme from the homily. You'd be surprised how attentive he will be. Prepare yourself and your children in advance. Saturday night is a good time for Sunday morning Mass. If parents only go to Sunday Mass out of duty and don't care what the kid does as long as he or she is reasonably quiet, mind you, not following the Mass, just being absorbed in Mom's pocket book, is it then a wonder that if these "Catholic" kids accompany their friends to a holly roller protestant service with loud music that grabs their attention that they would be thrilled?

First Prize or the Story of Cinder-fella

This is life!

The new Factory

Four of us went to see Mr. Finkelstein this morning in his new factory. It was wonderful. One is tempted to transfer to the the new factory. We gave his employees doughnuts and oranges before we met him. Sort of a bribe. We ran out of doughnuts and we took 7 dozen up, one dozen more than usual. Well, Mr. Finkelstein looked spiffy in his new factory clothes. Very distinguished! The whole factory scene was breathtaking. Oh how I wish Mr. Finkelstein much success there. To keep cuckoos and cardinals running is much more difficult than just working in an artificial intelligence laboratory and training white mice. We plan to visit him once a month.

Sunday Readings

I listened very attentively to the readings this morning in church: "Glue in the nostrils." No wonder they succumbed to Satan if they sniffed glue.

What kind of fruit?

B. "Chucky" Shop once tried to lecture me about "fruits." The fruits at the Church of the Six Flags over Jesus are plastic, made in China, and painted with lead paint.

How did it feel?

Had not seen the Church over the Six Flags over Jesus in a few years. Wondered how it would be emotionally. Really great as it turned out because it does not feel like home. Felt like any "other" church somewhere which is good. My MandM church feels like home now.
The pastor saw me. It was a very small funeral. He did not greet me and I did not greet him. I can only look at him with great disgust and aversion.

Supporting a friend

I have a friend whose mother died. The funeral Mass will be this morning at the church of The Six Flags over Jesus where the Big Herod officiates. I have not been at the main church in several years. I will stay in the back. I will not receive communion. I do not want to receive communion from bloody hands. I will leave promptly at the end.

I hope the friend's mother is in heaven. As for the priest - watch the road signs.

Oranges

I have 200 oranges in my car which are a nice ballast should it snow and I need some traction. On Sunday there will be a bunch of us (people and oranges) visiting Mr. Finkelstein and his new factory. We will give each of his employees a doughnut and an orange. These are all specialists - the employees. They will appreciate a souvenir from our more southern climate.

Lent

Now that the emphasis is more on "doing" than "giving up," I am asked what I "am doing" for Lent. Nothing. I shall relax. I "do" all the time. Give me five minutes and I will "do." I need "to do" just the opposite. Be quiet, reflect on Christ's suffering and passion and slow down. Yes, I am giving up playing Pogo on the computer. It's fun, it's relaxing, it is for three year olds. Do less, reflect more.

The Pomegranate

I bought some dried pomegranates in the grocery store. Figured it would be a better snack than candy. Looked on the web to see if I could find some health claims like "stabilizes the brain" or "anti-callus agent." I could only find that they are good for prostate problems. Exactly what I needed.

Do you know what this is?

These

are Gamsbaerte, the plural of a Gamsbart. They go on your hat. They come from alpine chamois. The animals are related to the antelope and are the size of a goat. You can also wear a feather instead - on your hat!

Milk-the cow wins

Since mother died, this house does not consume that much milk and it gets sour. I only drink milk with the coffee. Mother used to consume a lot of milk for breakfast with her cereal. So each week I have to throw milk away and drink black coffee until I get motivated enough to buy a new container. I should get a cow. Sizewise a goat would be more practical but I hate goat milk, goat cheese, goat bagels.

Revised and Expanded

I started a new book "Ancient Israel". Underneath it says: "Revised and Expanded." I think they mean the book and not Israel but it would apply to modern Israel as well. It is sort of dry. The book. I will pick and chose what to read. I love history, especially biblical history.

How small can it get?

Went to buy fresh milk. A bus pulled up and out came a horde of young girls. The Wales girls Lacrosse team is visiting the area. The world is truly getting smaller.
My friend the nun is on her way back from New York. Her nephew was dropped off at the cement factory. He was happy to go. I hope he feels that way in a month's time.

Mr. Finkelstein on TV

I heard this morning that Mr. Finkelstein was on television. Too, bad, I did not see him. It was the annual lice inspection of the heads at the factory. They put some DDT on you which keeps you safe for another year. So I was told......

Who died? The.....

The Mahesh Prasad Varma died, better known of as the Marharishi Mahesh Yogi, who was a student of the Hindu sage Swami Brahmananda Saraswati Shankaracharya, also known as Guru Dev. The Yogi tried to introduce, what else, "yogic flying." It was supposed to be some sort of levitation which others described as cross-legged hopping. The Yogi insisted that when it was performed by a critical mass of people it would lead to peace. So folks, next time you go to the mall and you see a critical mass coming towards you, they might not run for the next bargain but actually be involved in a peace hop.

Did Jesus come from the Jews?

He sure came today. My Jewish friend gave me a little cross with Jesus' face on it and two little diamonds in the crown of thorns.

I got my ashes tonight. Elderly priest, getting a bit shaky in his deliverance and difficult to hear. The worshop space was very loverly done.

I was glad Chucky was not at the dinner last night. There is a truth but it is only skin deep. I don't think I will every warm up to him. Worse than Chucky is his secretary: a na-nun-zi. Yes, she is embedded. She'd gleefully give you the lethal injection if she could.

Dinner at Chucky's boss

Chucky's boss invited us to dinner. We had spicy chicken as the entree and creme something or other for dessert. My table partner was the same guy as four years ago. Six to seven: cocktails. Seven to eight: dinner. Eight: lights out. I liked it. I just hate traveling to that foreign country. I always get lost.

27 Dresses

Went to see 27 Dresses. We all loved it.
Time to give New Jerusalem her English lesson

It ain't easy

It is darn difficult to become a saint. I am reading a book in German about a French saint Yvonne. Had the stigmata, could bilocate, could read hearts, the whole nine yards but was not treated nicely by her priests and bishops and mother superior. What is it with these people? People try to be holy right under their noses and they make it difficult.

Getting a good start.

Went to communion service this morning. Just two of us and the Lord. I really enjoyed it. There was a nice reflection provided. Busy day today.

What does it say?

I looked at the altar yesterday where I was visiting and there was a stone set into the wall. The engraving read: Poly. Poly? I thought may be the parakeet had died or another cardinal. I am nearsighted. So then I squinted real hard and I read: Foly. Foly? Had to be Foly as in F.o.l.y. - something in Latin. I recently thought a Latin phrase was Spanish. Foly was no help. I don't know any Latin. Then I realized it was Holy, duuuh. The bottom part of the H was not very well carved into the stone.

Wow

Mr. Finkelstein is inviting everyone to come to Switzerland. The mayor will give him the Legion of the Horse, Merit de Cheval, with oak leaf cluster and he will be properly installed. All the cuckoo clocks will chime and the St. Bernard dogs will open their caskets of brandy. Lots of yodeling with the rest of the music by the alpine horn blowers. It will be a one week town fest.

Chucky at the Factory

Chucky came to the factory today. They gave him a hard hat. He must be blind because he had one of those white sticks with him, the kind that blind people tap on the floor with before they make a step. This is good because right at the end of the factory, where we package our intelligent design and send it out the door, there is a gap in the floor where all the maladjusted ballbearing intelligent designs drop into the floor to be recycled. One has to careful and watch one's step. Actually the whole inspection was uneventful. I gave him my scroll. We exchanged a few ballbearing intelligent design phrases.
Miss Hitchley and Mrs. Fritchley are in charge while we await somebody else to come. Our weekly employee rah rah sheet looks different since Mr. Finkelstein left. I missed his comments. I will be going over tomorrow morning. Miss Hitchley will conduct the early morning yoga class.

How do you say it in French? Aha, merci

I went to a parish tonight and they had a visiting priest from Haiti. He did not speak a word of English. He blessed our throats in French. That should count double. I can only - and quite fluently - say in French: The doctors and the prostitutes survive every war. Obviously I could not say that to the visiting priest. The other sentence I can say in French is: Have you slept well? Could not ask him that either - right after Mass after all! So I said the only thing that was left in my vocabulary and that was: "Merci."

The Bucket list got shorter

I ran into Mr. Finkelstein last night at a bar. Quite a surprise. He had had a few drinks and told me that I was brilliant.
I ran into Mr. Finkelstein yesterday at his mother's house. We played poker and he lost. In stead of accepting money from him, I got an IOU. Was that smart?

Mr. Finkelstein's former boss, B. "Chucky" Shop, will visit the factory tomorrow. Can't wait to watch and to observe. I made a scroll to hand to him. I should wear my Chinese outfit and bow deeply. No, I will wear my princess gown and the tiara.

I am the greater snake

Fr Marcial Maciel Degollado, the controversial founder of the Legionaries of Christ who was forced from ministry by the Vatican under a cloud of sex-abuse allegations, died yesterday aged 87. A former parish priest of mine called the Legionaries of Christ "snakes in the grass." Perhaps, but small snakes. This parish priest turned out to be the greater snake.

What feelings?

I have a friend whose mother got admitted to the hospital again. Sad. I have a friend whose nephew will go to a new school. Wonderful. I feel good for one and bad for the other but overall? Does one feeling cancel out the other? I am on a elevator and depending on what floor I am on my feelings change: First floor: women's feelings, Second floor: men's feelings, Third floor: houseware and good china feelings, Fourth floor: gift wrap and returns feelings. Where is the floor for the sad friends, for the happy friends feelings? Mixed up in the grab bag. No wonder. One huge size has to fit all.

My Own Bucket List

When I die I would like to have received the Holy Sacrament of Anointing for the Sick and the Dying.
Before that....
I would like to see Africa once. I like animals, especially gorillas and elephants.
I would like to see Lourdes and Fatima.
I would like to see Padre Pio's place which I can't spell but it is in Southern Italy.
I would like to know I helped somebody go to heaven.
I would like to know I did not have any enemies.
I would like to drive Hummer.
I would like to build a computer from scratch (again).
I would like for Mr. Finkelstein to know that I am really not as stupid as I look.

A good beginning

I went to Mass at the Church of the Six Flags over Jesus this morning. This was the last Mass I could attend before the Big Herod comes back. I left right after Mass and it was raining. If I stay around, half of the parishioners talk to me and half of them run away. I don't care either way any more. However, there was a young woman there whom I have not seen in a long time. I am not sure if she now comes to daily Masses. I pray for her often and so this was very nice to see somebody for whom I pray often. She sat way in the back where I sat - I like it there - and I could tell her that I pray for her and she thanked me. It was a good beginning.