The Helmet

I brought this helmet out of the closest to protect me from "incoming" in my foxhole. The helmet belonged to mother when she served in the military. My friend Friderico named the helmet Helmut. Very appropriate. Mercifully there has been no "incoming." I will keep Helmut under my bed. With advanced age, one never knows when one needs a chamber pot in a hurry. Friderico thinks this a sacrilegious use of Helmut. I will have to think about it. May be I should consult Chucky the Walking, Talking Bathrobe. I am sure he loves to hear from me. "Dear Chucky - Do I need permission from the plantation owner to have a Helmut chamber pot under my bed?" Naah, that would confuse the issue again, I think. I recently got myself into trouble again being honest. "Dear Chucky - Is it permissible to teach in my house having Helmut on my head? I will be careful to make sure he is dry." Yes, that is the right tone.

What Fun

Friderico and I are having fun with the blogs and I got mixed up. Actually the Walking Bathrobe should have been Chucky the Talking Bathrobe. Pretty soon the Holy Father will have to give another Regensburg address and then the Dutch will come in with their little Edam cheese cannonballs and we will all be Protestants. Tonight I was told I would be teaching Bible Class at the Vacation Bible School. Friderico thought that was hilarious but I had to explain that I could teach, just not on our plantation. The plantation owner runs around with a whip and high heels and is not interested in Bible Classes for his slaves. That is for other people.

Friderico

My friend Friderico heard about my cheese business and also wanted to start his own business. It is good to be self-employed. Nobody can fire you. He decided to design a new companion doll for Barbie. He is Chucky the Walking Bathrobe. Just in time for the beach season. Friderico had a batch made in China and they arrived yesterday and have been a big disappointment. Too much lead in and around Chucky the Walking Bathrobe, especially around his brain. Now we have to destroy the dolls. In the meantime Mr. Seligman is high up in the Alps learning the cheese business from scratch. I told him to roll the cheeses down the mountain so that when they arrive at the bottom of the hill they will crush the boxes with Chucky the Walking Bathrobe. Then we will insert the flat Chuckies into the cheeses and export the cheese to China. The cheese should be heavier this way and we will get more Euros and our lead problem is solved, too. Friderico is ordering a new batch of new and improved Chuckies the Walking Bathrobe. Mr. Seligman has also shown an interest in working with Friderico and wanted to see some of the designs. I thought they were in Fridericos blogs but his designs about Chucky the Walking Bathrobe come out better in his other communications.

It has been quiet in my neck of the woods. No more incoming....Now I think there might not be. Wise decision. We will all sleep better. However, my steel helmet is close to my bedside and I will be ready in the future.

A new morning

I got a good night's sleep and have a lot of work ahead of me. A have a friend who blogs about the recent encounters with Chucky and the hand grenades and also wrote a play about it. Hilarious. Both of us get relief from writing. For unknown reasons she calls him "the bathrobe." Her sense of humor is as crazy and off beat as mine. So now we have Chucky the walking bathrobe who lobs hand grenades into foxholes where people want to sleep. The moral of the story is that where is is not an open and honest dialogue, people will e-mail and blog these days. Can't suppress the bad news any more.

Weapons of Mass Destruction

I had no sooner reached my mountaintop when the Polish granate handler hurled a granate into my foxhole. He has a spotter down here who guides him. It happens every so often. So I have been running around in my foxhole trying to save my life. I am still out of breath. I made a tactical error in trying to be honest and that never pays in this Catholic diocese. I am waiting for more incoming tomorrow. I am getting the funniest e-mails, however, and my friend Friderico actually wrote a play about it. In a way many things got clearer in my own head: What did I promise three years ago? Where will I make a stand? Some of my hood friends are livid, my non-hood friends, too. I realized that I promised actually very little and I will not let them broaden the agenda now. Went to Mass at my church yesterday morning. I am too distracted to get much out of it these days but this, too, will pass. My recently fixed A/C is still not working or not working again so that is more important and all this other nonsense. Unfortunately, my depression is kicking in again a little bit more but that shall pass, too.
The good news is that Mr. Finkelstein got married and is now Mr. Seligman. It was a lovely wedding. I offered him a job as director of one of the branch offices of the world wide cheese monopoly that I inherited from grandpapa. He accepted.

The Retreat

Went to a wonderful retreat that took about 7 hours to get there because we got slightly lost in the rain. The GPS gets balky in heavy rain and overcast skies. It can't find you. One of my black and white hood friends directed the retreat and as much as I like the brown hoods, I realized again that I belong to the black and white hoods. I never saw such beautiful countryside. I would like to go back. I missed the nun. She could not come because of her bad back. Went to the factory this morning. All is quiet. Miss Fritzley has a meeting with Chucky coming up. Learned today that Melanie will be coming on full time at the end of summer. Did not know that it was a done deal. I will be concentrating on some adult evangelization bulletin inserts during the summer. I have another bus trip to organize. All the heavy participation for the bus trip comes from another parish. So if I ever do something just for our parish, it will be a little van. It good to know these things. I don't mind one way or another. I will also concentrate on my studies from now on.

The Rat

The Wedding

Mr. Finkelstein is finally getting married to Ms. Sarah Seligman. The marriage will take place in Zurich next week. He will take her last name. The bride is a decendant of Zwinglie and the famous 17th century rabbi Moshe Bargutterman. The groom is a Russian orphan who was adopted by American parents. His American mother is the famous actress Leonina Smith, known for her sultry roles on stage. Mr. Finkelstein's father died in prison after being convicted of attempted murder of his wife. More details to follow.

You are cordially invited to the opening of our Swiss Cheese Joint Venture.

Applications are now accepted for Head-cheeser, and Assistant Head-cheeser and bus-cheesers. No experience is necessary. We train in the fine art of handrolled cheese from the top of the mountain down in the valley. Good walking shoes are required. No flip-flops permitted. We only deal with the finest cows. We treat our cows as family: We own Milly, Dilly, Sally, and Moo-Moo.

Dear John

Dear John:

I am closing the factory. We have gotten too many complaints. Apparently our work is shoddier than what the Chinese manufacture and too many mice were returned. Someone recently thought that one of our manufactured mice was a rat. That was the last straw. Now I am looking for a new business. Escort service? Mushroom grower? Bakery? Perhaps you have a suggestion.

Fondly,

Lara

Ach wie gut dass niemand weiss......

There is never a dull moment at the factory. Now I am wondering if I need to assign different names and identities to some people in my blog. My blog was supposed to be private but I told somebody what her identity was and I think she has read the blog quite often. Recently I blogged about an incident which sort of bugged me. The line in front of the ladies room is way too long. It was picked up and I was lucky I was not peed on. Perhaps I need a Mrs. Freudenstadt now or a Mr. Petersilie or a Ms. Fliegenpilz. I think I will close the factory.

Trying to do good

I am trying to bring a friend Holy Communion. However, she is in a parish where the priest is a narcissistic nut case. So in order to do this, I have to write "cover my back" e-mails. I could bring her Holy Communion from my own parish but I would have to make a half hour detour and with the price of gas the way it is, it makes no sense. Besides, I need to go right by her parish to go to her house. Went to rosary in our parish this afternoon. Very nice. Checked my e-mail. No spam filter on the new computer. Have to figure out how to install one.

What does it mean to be incorrupt?

Padre Pio's body has been exhumed. Apparently his body is partially incorrupt. His hair and beard is intact and his hands are well preserved. The remains will be exposed for veneration in a new shrine in Giovanni Rotondo. Family members had objected to the exhumation. During my recent trip I have seen a variety of saints and bodies in glass coffins. The strangest were in Malta with the Capuchins. These bodies were very much corrupt with a little skin hanging on to the rib cage but nicely displayed in glass coffins. With some of the Saints which I have seen in the churches of Rome you wonder if they were not embalmed. One starts of wonder: Did they or didn't they use Grecian Formula. Catherine of Siena's head is in Siena and the rest of her mutilated body in Rome but in a stone sarcophagus. Does anyone remember the baby in the glass coffin in Palermo? If you have been there you will never forget it for the rest of your life. Have a blessed Pentecost.

The Anniversary

I called the florist today and ordered two dozen roses with greens to put on mother's grave on Monday. I would have been her 85th birthday on Monday. I feel her spirit so much around the house. A gentle breeze......I also need a gentle breeze right now because the airconditioning is not working and I need a new compressor. It rained today and the sun is not out which helps. New Jerusalem got a new dog bed today and seems to be happy. Also found an internet site http://jewishrosaries.com. How are the Jews going to pray the rosary? The rosary is biblical revolves around the life of Jesus. Oy-veh.

Back at the Factory

Tonight I went to the Factory again. We had a meeting concerning evangelization. Well, without an N.B. (new boss) all is iffy. Bought some nice flowers for the yard today. I like white. So everything lately is white or almost white. A few years ago all was red. Well, I need to keep cool and that is more white than red. The airconditioner is not working. It is two years old and never worked properly and the guy who installed it, is not returning my calls. He came highly recommended by a friend and did it as a "side" job. Another lesson learned. No more side jobs. Busy day tomorrow coming up. I have a new computer at the Factory but I was away when everyone got set up. I guess I will just admire the computer tomorrow. The person to set me up is out of town now. There is always the mail over there. I probably have three pieces waiting for me to open. Meeting with Fr. Wolfgang tomorrow night. Time to give New Jerusalem her English lesson.

Home, sweet home

Got home at midnight. Yesterday was a day of unpacking. I was amazed what came out of the suitcases. They were heavy. Security had opened one. Probably could not tell books apart from weapons of mass destruction. Today I opened my mail - tons of it. Walked the dogs. The little one actually tried to attack a walker tonight. That freaked out the larger dog and she, too, went after the walker which of course freaked me out. So right now I have two dogs in the doghouse. The yard looks beautiful but the roses are a no show. Two years of neglect have taken their toll. My best friend, the nun, is still sick but her nephew is back in the cement factory. The other friend wants to call me ballerina princess in her blog. I look the part. I am coming back to a full schedule and then some. Oh, I got a nice job offer today, flattering, but not very realistic. Getting up at 3 a.m. now, have breakfast, go back to bed and get up again at 5 a.m. Nice case of jet lag but I like to rise early. What does the cat have to do with this? Nothing at all. Just liked the sweet and trusting expression and, remember, the dogs are currently in the dog house.

Arrivederci Roma

I am packed. For those who know me, I know you are smiling because I can cram an elephant into a suitcase. All the books and all the souvenirs have disappeared from the room. This morning I said good-bye to ancient Rome around the Coloseum. The highlight was the prison where both Paul and Peter were kept - not at the same time. I had a tour guide this morning because I have no sense of direction and I did not want to wander around with a map in front of my nose. Not on the last day! So this was an expensive good-bye but very relaxing. Rome is expensive. If you go out to eat, you have to take out a mortgage. However, if you are willing to eat wonderful fresh baguettes, ham from heaven, and cheese from heavenly cows, you can live easily on 10 Euros a day. That includes all the water you can drink and a beer and several capuchinos. The cheapest way to see Rome is with a tour because so much is prepaid with American dollars. I like this town better than Florenz and I would come back here any time, currency permitting. I bought a bottle of this yellow stuff for Pater Wolfgang -not his real name - who was with us on the tour. Remember when he tried to poison us all one evening? We refused to drink this stuff. This is what memories are made of. Bob, the wonderful valet, will be retired. He did come in handy. For those of you who never met Bob - do not worry - he runs on three batteries. I am sniffling tonight myself. Don't know if it's allergies or if I caught something from the sneezing deacon the other day. This afternoon I walked all the small little roads down to the Ponte Sisto. I think Overall, I saw between 20 and 30 churches. There are at least a thousand. They are both churches and history. It was also wonderful to see the various parish priests interact with their parishioners. I could just tell by their gestures......They have an uphill battle. One sees mostly elderly people in the churches.

Last Day in Rome

Folks this is the last day. I am getting a guide this morning to take me through ancient Rome. Went to Mass at the Piazza Navone at a lovely church dedicated to the Blessed Mother and the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Mass in Italiano. I have been there before. I have about 5 churches in easy walking distance. I can pick a few words out when the priests greets the people etc. but I understand the Italian language better when I can read along. I heard "risotto" but later realized that the word for "risen" is very close to risotto. My ATM credit maxed out this morning. Another reason to go home.
I get two English news channels in my room a variety of French, Italian, and German channels. The big news has been the Fritzl case. It has been on every channel for the last five days. This is the guy who kept his daughter for 24 years locked up in his basement and fathered 7 children by her.
If you are going to follow this blog in the future please keep in mind that I mix fact and fixtion. Most of the time I will not use real names or places. This has been an exception.

Life in Rome

What a day! I got a late start today because I wanted to go next door for the German Mass at the Nationalistic Holy Roman Empire, Double Eagle over the altar, Church. The Tyrolians came - about 40 people. They played yesterday for the Pope. Half of them played brass instruments, from tuba to trumpet, and the other half played all sorts of flutes. One drum. That was it. The sound echoed through the church and it was breath taking. Their Bishop, Christian Werner, was also with them. We celebrated Christ Himmelfahrt - that what is is in German - with a Hochfest. Afterwards the band marched over to the Piazza Navone and all the German priests and nuns after them. It was a very joyous procession. Since I was getting such a late start I changed my plans and decided to visit a few more churches and some tourists sites. I got more than I bargained for. I started at the Spanish steps. It was crowded - similar to the Vatican. Someone had told me this was not an official holiday here but it was. The shops were closed except the tourist places and the people were out.....I climbed the stairs to the Holy Trinity church and that was the first disappointment. Not much there architecturally. Then made my way slowly back and visited the Basilica of the Saints Ambrose and Charles (Borromeo). Very pretty and behind the altar a relic of his heart. From there I went to St. Lorenzo and just when I decided I could not keep the churches apart any longer (visual overkill), I saw a priest who stood in front of San Claudio. I ventured over there and hit the jackpot. There was Eucharistic Adoration and a hour of guided Eucharistic Adoration and while I did not understand much it was very moving and then I discovered something unreal. I have always had a special devotion for St. Julian Eymard. He promoted Eucharistic Adoration. Guess where he is buried? In San Claudio. I could not believe it. His body is in a glass case under a side altar. I was ready to freak out. I think I did. On the way home, I dedided to have a warm meal. Just a little meal in one of those corner restaurants: A salad, a beer, a scallopini, spaghetti, a capuchino and ice cream - grand total of 44.40 Euros! Thats close to 70 bucks back home. NO I did not get ripped off. However, as a single person I have no purchasing power and I pay the going rate. This however was my first and last warm evening meal in Rome. I really prefer the bread and cheese and Italanio ham anyway. Yes, I went to the Trevi Fountain as well. I was upset because people had given me a few pennies to throw them into the foundain and of course I could not find them any more. So I three a quarter in......Well, if you want a better job done in the future, do it yourself next time!
Some delightful news: the seagull mother has young ones. I could see them today. They are all gray. She always stays at the nest. They got some old ham today. It is not totally gone yet but most of it is. They are getting smarter.

Life in Rome

I am still on a high. Thought I could sleep in today but was up early again. Also have a terrific sunburn. I am glad I did not get sunstroke. Now a few mundane things from Rome. At the grocery store I got some Lyonerwurst yesterday. I should have stuck to the nice Italanio ham. Once I got home - that is the hotel - I had a bite and it had an off taste. So I threw the 100 grams, sliced, out on the window sill. We have plenty of seagulls here. I had lookers but no takers. Spoiled seagulls. Finally last night I did a St. Francis and talked to the stupid birds as they were eying the meat from across the church roof. Still no takers. Housekeeping would have been mightily surprised to see Lyonerwurst on the 5th floor on the windowsill today and I was somewhat desperate. I also threw it with just the right force that I could not retrieve it. Worse this morning the meat was still on the window sill and there were no seagulls anywhere. You would have thought I had thrown rat poison out there. Finally, just before I went to breakfast my 100 grams Lyonerwurst were gone. Just a grease spot on the window sill. This could have been from prehistoric times.
Stores: It is fun to go window shopping here. Prices are outrageous but it is still fun to look. One of the side streets here has the latest in furnishings, recreated antiques, silver, glass - you name it. Saw a round bed on a turn table, like lying on a revolving cake platter. My opinion was that my dogs would be too confused. Scratch that purchase.
I am next to the Piazza de Navone and that is the artsy piazza. By 10 in the morning the painters are out and you can purchase any scene of Rome or have your portrait done. Actually they are very good. I like to wander off to the Campo de Fiori - a five minute walk - because they got the farmers market. I have never seen so many spices, different vegetables, fresh fish. By afternoon it is an incredible mess over there but the Romans clean up nicely. The secret to enjoy Rome is to get away from the tourist bus. For every major highway there is a little side street full of shops and eating places and it is delightful to see Rome by walking.
I am off to get the newspapers now will go to the 10 a.m. Mass next door. Have a wonderful feast day. It is not an official holiday here but the church celebrates today.