Dear Heloise
How does one get rid of walking, talking bathrobes? I have one and I would like to shred it. Any suggestion?
Yours Dilly
Dear Dilly,
Getting rid of walking, talking bathrobes? Have you tried the shredder since you mentioned you'd like to shred it?
Well, probably not a good idea because then it gets all over the rug and then you have to call the rug cleaners, put the pets at the Vet while the rug gets cleaned of all the bathrobe confetti, so it could be costly!
I suggest cleansing the bathrobes so they will SHRINK and THINK SMALL! But, the right kind of detergent is a tough one when you consider the colors and terry cloth that could fade with bleach! Well, that's it! Bleach will make them fade!
Fading away and going away are two different things, however.....too bad you couldn't just wave a magic wand and POOF! ALLLLLLLL GONE! You could write the Mighty WIZARD overseas to see if he has any suggestions....he's very knowledgeable about bathrobes, I hear!
Just call me "The Sorcerer's Apprentice!"
Heloise
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Dear Heloise-
Why do so many priests have attachements to weird women?
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
They have weird attachments to weird women because the weird ones are SAFE! They've got titles out the ying yang, are married to Someone Else, and so no problems with commitment!
Fortunately for you, Dilly, you are not weird -- you are a VERY NORMAL woman so you pose a threat, see?
It's all about taste and theirs is obviously, sour! I was a Chef once so I know these things!
Heloise!
Why do so many priests have attachements to weird women?
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
They have weird attachments to weird women because the weird ones are SAFE! They've got titles out the ying yang, are married to Someone Else, and so no problems with commitment!
Fortunately for you, Dilly, you are not weird -- you are a VERY NORMAL woman so you pose a threat, see?
It's all about taste and theirs is obviously, sour! I was a Chef once so I know these things!
Heloise!
Dear Heloise -
I have this empty helmet Helmut under my bed. Do you have any ideas how to recycle helmets? Can I make a cannon ball out of it and will it reach my enemies during lunch? That would be a great strike! Bang! Ka-plunk, all would be gone! Death by helmet. Oh, yeah, and what flowers would look good on their graves? Shades of morbid pink?
Yours,
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
The question about what to do with an empty helmet is a dilly! Even, though I love the name HELMUT for a helmet, I say, turn it into a bed pan, laced with sequins that plays music, such as "Don't Fence Me In"!
IF you throw HELMUT at your enemies during lunch, not only do you ruin your lunch BUT then you have to be responsible for head injuries! YECH! Of course, if HELMUT was even remotely full, even as a bed pan, then you'd be responsible for taking all the "bathrobes" to the cleaners! P.U.! And, as long as everyone is alive, although NOT well, you don't have to make umpteen trips to the florist for those morbid pink, purple and chartreuse flowers for their funerals!
I say, keep HELMUT at home and decorate the helmet any way you wish ---- like with biblical DVDs for instance --- and then use it for a bowl for fireworks on the 4th of July!
Any more wrongs I can right?
Heloise
I have this empty helmet Helmut under my bed. Do you have any ideas how to recycle helmets? Can I make a cannon ball out of it and will it reach my enemies during lunch? That would be a great strike! Bang! Ka-plunk, all would be gone! Death by helmet. Oh, yeah, and what flowers would look good on their graves? Shades of morbid pink?
Yours,
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
The question about what to do with an empty helmet is a dilly! Even, though I love the name HELMUT for a helmet, I say, turn it into a bed pan, laced with sequins that plays music, such as "Don't Fence Me In"!
IF you throw HELMUT at your enemies during lunch, not only do you ruin your lunch BUT then you have to be responsible for head injuries! YECH! Of course, if HELMUT was even remotely full, even as a bed pan, then you'd be responsible for taking all the "bathrobes" to the cleaners! P.U.! And, as long as everyone is alive, although NOT well, you don't have to make umpteen trips to the florist for those morbid pink, purple and chartreuse flowers for their funerals!
I say, keep HELMUT at home and decorate the helmet any way you wish ---- like with biblical DVDs for instance --- and then use it for a bowl for fireworks on the 4th of July!
Any more wrongs I can right?
Heloise
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Odds and Ends
Mr. Seligman is still on his honeymoon. I heard he took his bride to the movies. Is love blind? We are getting a new branch chief on the cheese farm tomorrow. His hobby is to collect cars. Funny how quickly one is informed of these things. We also got another 1/2 employee. I am surprised that all these decisions are made before the new chief comes. Well, so be it. I am working on some bulletin inserts and material that I can also use for my upcoming lectures at the Church of the Crucified. Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversay of mother's death. It will be difficult to get through the day.
Dear Heloise:
I live on this plantation. I would like to escape. Any suggestion? The plantation owner is a beast. I cannot have a bible class in my home. I think he is afraid we might learn how to read and write and spell. We do basket weaving all day long. That is the only thing that is permitted.
Yours,
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
Who died and left the plantation owner BOSS? You say he's a beast....what kind? Tiger? Lion? Donkey, as in ASS?
What would happen if you had the Bible Class in your home anyway? Would that affect your job?
Well, here's my solution: IF you can't have a Bible Class IN your home, how about OUTSIDE your home.....? Like in the Backyard??? Or is that just playing games?
Hell, I can split hairs with the best of them!
Heloise!
I live on this plantation. I would like to escape. Any suggestion? The plantation owner is a beast. I cannot have a bible class in my home. I think he is afraid we might learn how to read and write and spell. We do basket weaving all day long. That is the only thing that is permitted.
Yours,
Dilly
Dear Dilly,
Who died and left the plantation owner BOSS? You say he's a beast....what kind? Tiger? Lion? Donkey, as in ASS?
What would happen if you had the Bible Class in your home anyway? Would that affect your job?
Well, here's my solution: IF you can't have a Bible Class IN your home, how about OUTSIDE your home.....? Like in the Backyard??? Or is that just playing games?
Hell, I can split hairs with the best of them!
Heloise!
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