Today with Mrs. Anderson

Me: Gooood morning Mrs. Anderson.
Client: What's good about it?
Me: I can tell you are having a problem. How can I help you?
Client: I cannot get my pancakes to rise.
Me: Mrs. Anderson this rising effect is strictly are Catholic thing. Are you Catholic?
Client: No.
Me: What religious beliefs you do have, may I ask?
Client: I am a vegetarian.
Me: That explains why your pancakes will not rise. You have to stick to bananas.
Client: How does it work for bananas?
Me: You invite two bananas into your home and all three of you have to be celibate and have to have separate bedrooms. At night, you go from bedroom to bedroom and check on each other.
Client: What happens if I find the two bananas together?
Me: You skin them alive and eat them.
Client: Is there no hope for me and the pancakes then?
Me: There might be a backdoor Catholic way. I will have to check my "Life Coach Handbook for Dummies." However, that research will cost you extra.
Me: I warn you, however. Getting your pancakes to rise is probably only an event in a life and death situation. You may be in a car accident and close to death and a Muslim comes by and THEN, if you ask him, your pancakes may rise at home.
Client: What good will that do me if I am dying and my pancakes will rise at home?
Me: Mrs. Anderson, think of your happy husband at home! You are gone and he has pancakes.
That will be $64.39 for today. I will call you tomorrow.