Lara Says

This is the son's home

2012-01-27T22:42:00.002-05:00

The Frog Song - you'll love these

2012-01-27T22:19:00.001-05:00

My Sweet Bad Toelz

2012-01-27T22:16:00.000-05:00

More Heaven on Earth

2012-01-27T22:14:00.002-05:00

Heaven on Earth

2012-01-27T22:09:00.002-05:00

The New Evangelization

2012-01-27T21:49:00.001-05:00

Christian Unity comes from God

2012-01-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

The Fundraiser

2012-01-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Was very nice tonight. I won something for the son which made me happy. One of my pictures that I donated fetched $100. That made me happy, too. The guest speaker was very good.
I had signed up to bring some fruit to the fundraiser and as I left the house the fruit juice flowed all over my jacket. Took the jacket off and left without. No time to worry about another jacket. It was colder tonight but not freezing cold and I survived. Another woman who has "issues" found me tonight. I must have "she is it" written all over my forehead. I am glad I can serve the Lord this way. Learned this morning that I am not the builder. Learned tonight that everyone needs to be loved, accepted and understood otherwise we are unhappy. On the local level I am, on the regional level I am not. I guess you can't win them all.

The Son

2012-01-27T18:25:00.001-05:00

The son moved on today where Fr. Valhalla used to live. I had not been down there since he died and it was bittersweet to stand in the parking lot where I used to pick him up and said "good-bye."
I thought son was somewhat nervous this morning. His voice was a little bit too quiet when he read the Gospel but I did not have the heart to tell him that yet. Perhaps before next time. He liked the Rabbi. I hope it was mutual. The son is really a nice person - the Rabbi as well. I have to do something about my glasses. There is no good distance between me and The Book any longer. I am off to some fund raiser for my bible class. The Rabbi gave a good homily that was timely with me. God is the builder. How true. I expect too much from people, I guess.

Religion

2012-01-26T08:15:00.000-05:00

Some of you out here might be wondering WHAT am I? I am Catholic, hanging in there day by day. Like many of you I have a few nasty priests around me, I am even dealing with a nasty bishop. There are also wonderful priests around me and that keep me anchored in the faith and there is the Truth itself. While I sometimes want to vomit when I encounter the hierarchy I readily admit there have been incredible blessings being Catholic. My advice to you who want to quit, HANG in there. If you leave, you might leave a few nasty people behind but the Catholic religion is much more than just the hierarchy. My current parish is wonderful although I have been through two that weren't. Look around - if I were to have trouble in a parish again, I most likely would travel a few miles more and go to Mass with the Dominicans and Capuchins whom we have here. Oh yes, yesterday I wanted to say to my bishop: "Screw you!" I did not. I am posting this because there are many, many people who can related to my situation. Your clicks will tell me if I am right.

The friend next to me

2012-01-25T21:57:00.000-05:00

The friend next to me wore red this morning and noticed that quite a few other people also wore red. She wondered out loud "why?" I told her because the bishop was coming. She must have sensed it. "Oh, the bishop is coming? I did not know. THAT's why we are in the main temple!"
"Yep," I said "and when the bishops comes we wear red because it is our martyrdom."

The son cometh

2012-01-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

The son has arrived. The nun and I picked him up at the airport. What did he want? A good American steak. We could manage that. At one point I asked him what he preferred to eat because we would have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. "I eat everything," he said. The Rabbi sure knew how to look into the crystal ball this morning. I almost lost it. It just was so funny.

For the person who has everything

2012-01-25T13:13:00.002-05:00

Make it a memorable Christmas present
http://driveatank.com/index_BGY6.html

Chucky

2012-01-25T11:39:00.000-05:00

Chucky pursed his lips together to a crooked smile and said: "Hello Lara!" I am glad I was in the receiving line of the Rabbi. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to make Chucky look good. If there would be another church that is Catholic without Chucky in it, I'd still would leave. I am sitting here crying and this jerk is not worth it.

This morning

2012-01-25T11:32:00.000-05:00

Everything went well this morning and it was sweet that the Rabbi sat at my table. I exchanged some meaningless small talk with his Excellency and it is a downer that he can't get off his position. One of these days I will send him a framed certificate to sign that says: "Lara can't have a bible class in her house." I will tell him I want to nail it to the wall in my front entrance. It would add such a nice touch to the New Evangelization.

Pontifical Council for the New Evangelization

2012-01-24T17:41:00.003-05:00

What is wrong with this picture? On the council itself there is not ONE woman, not one. The advisory board has four women listed. This is a council/committee where many more women would be qualified to serve.
Evangelization is only going to happen from the ground up and not from the top down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E2joyZfFz4

Tired and remembering

2012-01-24T16:53:00.001-05:00

I went today to CVS and the post office and I feel like I ran the Marathon. A friend came by who is a great cook and brought some soup over. That will be very much appreciated tonight. I am staying put tonight. Too tired but tomorrow I SHALL go to morning Mass. I really miss it. One of the things I like about my I-Pad that I can listen to the morning prayers and evening prayers and if I still can't go to sleep, well, there is the music. Everything is nice and compact. I remember before the tablets came out everyone thought it was just going to be a toy that nobody really needed. We had computers, we had laptops, we had notepads. I got my I-Pad the first year just before I went on vacation to the Old Country and they did not sell them yet over there but they were being advertised everywhere. When I came down to breakfast at my hotel, everyone looked in my direction: the woman with the latest gadget! A year later a six year old Russian kid had one at the airport in Munich.

The Baltimore incident

2012-01-24T12:30:00.001-05:00

The Baltimore incident made it into our local paper yesterday although we are miles away. One would like to suggest to the bishop that he hand out raincoats along with the bible at ordination to cover mind and body in emergencies. I am absolutely flabbergasted that something like that could happen now. Nobody noticed that this guy was unbalanced? The diocese weeds out presumably dangerous elements among the lay people and restricts them unfairly at times and they don't or can't watch their own! A great moral booster again. This could not have been the first time that his guy ran around naked from the waste down. I should take a few raincoats to the temple tomorrow. "Here, your Excellency, you surely will need them in the future."

The Mushrooms

2012-01-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

I have put my mushroom kit in a container of water. Until tonight. Then I have to wait and mist. I will let you know if it is worthwhile to buy a mushroom kit and grow your own mushrooms.

Ribs

2012-01-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

My ribs hurt. T'was expected. There is not one that is not hurting from being sick the other day. Still can't eat a lot. That actually is not a bad thing for me. Still get tired easily. I need to drag myself around the house and clean up for tomorrow. Tomorrow I want to go back to daily Mass. I really miss it.
Listened to Haydn's Tafelmusik last night. Lovely.

Style....

2012-01-23T20:00:00.002-05:00

Friends - you must love the Queen of the Netherlands. She visited the State of Oman recently. (Where is it?) Can't beat that outfit. Looks like she fell down the rabbit hole. But isn't every Dutch high anyway?

Because of Transparency

2012-01-23T19:28:00.001-05:00

When I read this I was ready to vomit. The previous pastor of the 7th Flags had to remove a priest because of indecent exposure. He wrote a letter to his parishioners because he wanted to be "transparent." He is transparent all right with everyone but himself. There the transparency stops. Unfortunately, this also puts him into the newspapers as the good guy and he loves to see his name in print. He once showed me a local newspaper where he was quoted anonymously and shouted: "That was me, that was me!"

When in a cave you can....

2012-01-23T17:47:00.001-05:00

grow your own mushrooms
http://backtotheroots.com/

These are oyster mushrooms. I like them better than the champion kind.

The fiction writer

2012-01-23T15:45:00.003-05:00

I should become a fiction writer

The House on Sunset Boulevard

There was a mysterious home invasion at 3011 Sunset Boulevard. Chucky came into the house and was killed in self defense by the homeowner. The authorities questioned the homeowner because Chucky left a bag of gold. The homeowner says that it was a bag "Pure Gold for Small Breeds" dog food and belonged to her anyway. So what drove Chucky into 3011? Did he have to pee? The homeowner says "yes" and all she wanted was to cut off a piece of his mantle but her knife slipped.

You can buy this interesting book from Amazon for $23.99. There is a rebate of $20 if you can prove you left a five star evaluation.

Next sequel: Chucky on Pee Island. Why was the gold buried there? You can pre-subscribe this novel by writing the author and requesting a signed copy for $3.99.

Right to Life March

2012-01-23T15:34:00.000-05:00

Wished I could have just watched. Went to the Diner this morning for breakfast. I was getting cabin fever and after eating a few spoon fulls of oatmeal I was full and tottled back to the car and back home to bed. Had two conflicting meetings tonight. That was easy - can't go to either one

The Mitt Romney Effect

2012-01-23T11:02:00.000-05:00

He has a 15% tax rate! He wants to lower the taxes further if elected President. Does not want to cut defense spending. So where is it supposed to come from? The poor and elderly.....
Well, vote for me. If you vote for me you will pay NO taxes at all. I will send you a free kit how to build your own life boat.

The SO

2012-01-23T09:26:00.001-05:00

The SO sent me a nice e-mail again and told me that the Crush had studied the Catholic faith diligently. I almost fell of my chair laughing when I read it. Well, he might have studied it but no lessons learned. Apparently for this one historical book he talked to a lot of priests because it is about a priest? Rome? who knows. I ordered the books through Amazon. This one I've got to read. I wrote the SO very nicely that the Crush seems to be a sailor and that leaves me stranded and also that his history is woven around pre-pubescent girls. Having worked and lived in the medical field all my life I run away from these kind of stories. It may be good writing. I don't know. I just don't care for this kind of stuff.
That is what I basically wrote. Well, there is an underlying sensuality that I don't care for either but I did not tell her that. I know my Crush. Having studied the Catholic faith....really! Oh, yes, she said he has one (yes, ONE) Catholic reference book on his shelf. I should write back: Do you want to see several hundreds?
Have to say the SO is really charming.

Resurrection

2012-01-23T09:13:00.000-05:00

That is what it feels like. I will take it easy for a few days - a tip I got from an 86 year old lady the other day and will pick up my routine on Wednesday. On Wednesday my son is arriving from China so I need to be fit and have a lot of things to do here which I tought I get done this weekend. I was a fountain of evil cheer.

Have to love this shirt!

2012-01-23T09:10:00.002-05:00

Closed for bug repair

2012-01-22T18:21:00.002-05:00

--------

Chucky

2012-01-21T18:22:00.001-05:00

Oh, yes, he knows who I am and recognizes me from a mile away. Purses his lips into a crooked little smile and he does greet me. Sort of a "ha, ha I got you good!" Yes, he did. I shall be there on Wednesday. It is MY temple and I am not sure that he knew where I had landed prior to e-mailing him recently through his little scribe. I was so happy again today at my good fortune that I cried on the way home. No, he never responds - well, only if I tell him I am planning to have a bible class in my home. Then he could sit on his throne and still would have time to e-mail: YOU CAN"T DO THAT. Lovely guy. So I have the Crush and Chucky. I think they are related. Neither one of them is nice. If it would not be for Christ, I could skip the Cs in the alphabet.
Just realized that the Crush wrote a book about a Catholic priest and the Vatican. What he could possibly know about either is a mystery and so is the book supposedly. That one I have got to read! I miss mother who always read fiction and who could have given me some splendid insights on the Crush's writings. Two sentences and mother could take you down before you know what happened to you. Oh, I miss that.....Mother did it a few times to the previous pastor at 7th Flags and she was the ONLY one who got away it it. Schadenfreude?? Big time!

Va-Va

2012-01-21T18:05:00.000-05:00

After speaking to the Holy One (through the Rabbi) I treated myself to a large cup of coffee at the Va-Va and also picked up one of their delicious salads for tonight. No males at the check-out. Had to pay an extra 20 cents for the second package of dressing! This is something for psychiatrists and psychologists: Why do the males at Va-Va let you have two packets free when you buy a salad but he females don't?
Went to see my friend in the rehab. I was delighted because her communication has improved so that we could have a little back and forth conversation and her personality is also coming back. Not totally, but it is no longer the flat, almost dead expression it was right after the major stroke. I came home and called her mother and told her. Been e-mailing my son in China to figure out where he is going to be day by day. At this point, we sort of have a whole week together (Monday through Friday) where he possibly could celebrate morning Mass. I need final confirmation from the son and then I will present it to the Rabbi.

The Weather

2012-01-21T10:27:00.002-05:00

No sooner was I home from Adoration yesterday and finally settled in bed, reading, I got a call asking me if I could sub from 1 a.m. to 2 a.m. I said yes before I had heard the whole story. Whole story was that this guy comes from a distance and he did not want to come up to the 7th Flag Church because he had heard it was supposed to snow. First time I heard myself that it could or would snow. Apparently he had called the "day captain" and the day captain who is responsible for the day told him to call me because I live close to the Adoration chapel. I told him I would go if it would not snow. Once I hung up I got angry. The day captain lives closer to the adoration chapel than I do and all these guys have trucks and fourwheelers and they have to call me to cover during a snow storm? I set my alarm for 12:30, looked out and it was snowing. Took a sleeping pill and went back to bed. Sure enough by 1:08 a female voice called me and wanted to know if I am coming in. NO! Told her that it was snowing and therefore I would not come. Hello? This Adoration chapel permits the Blessed Sacrament to be covered when noboby is there. If I were to drive into a ditch because of foul weather would Pastor Hummdinger over there come out and rescue me? If I were to call him in an emergency he likely would say: Let's shake hands after Mass on Sunday. My first duty now is to the temple and I'd be happy to help out at 7th Flag but for heavy lifting get your own people.

Who is this child?

2012-01-20T20:57:00.001-05:00

This is not a Christmas hymn. The Rabbi wanted to know today who "Laralita" was. My nickname when I was 17! Mother always called me by my real name: Lara - and I always loved it. The Laralita just died out except with the Crush and an ex sister-in-law who could never pronounce Lara.

Tonight, tonight

2012-01-20T20:53:00.002-05:00

Tonight I went to see the nun's mother in the hospital. The whole family was there. In comes the male nurse to remove her catheter. "Y'all can stay." Hm....we were surprised. Tomorrow she will be discharged. She announced because she is sick she will have to take it easy for a while. We all laughed because at her age she really is not doing anything to begin with. Husband quipped: "That will take a lot of people (to help)."

Afterwards I went to Adoration again. Someone needed a sub tonight from 7 to 8 p.m. That hour works for me just fine and I offered up several people and begged God to let me be a good evangelist. I really love being mentor for various people in my bible class. The other day someone asked me in Bible Class: "What is a Catechism?" We found both, the regular Catechism and the Adult Catechism on the library shelf. She departed happily with both.

Dog food day

2012-01-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

I ran out of dog food today. So I decided to to my weekly shopping. I was surprised I did not forget anything: tea for me, yoghurt (obviously for me - the dogs would never touch anything healthy!). Also got a pork shoulder. I promised to make it for a friend for Sunday. I shall play the caterer. But I owe this friend a BIG favor. She is one of my few Jewish friends and really was a mentor to me before I ever decided to become Catholic (again). Obviously she is not kosher either. She had neck surgery years ago and her fine motor skills are lacking. She has trouble opening anything that needs the finer touches of one's fingers. When I heard she was given a party, I volunteered to cook the pork shoulder. I'd done it several times now and it really is delicious.

Three more books - a different turn

2012-01-20T11:48:00.002-05:00

I received three more books by the SO that the Crush wrote. These books represent a trilogy about Pea Island. I met a descendant of Herbert who served on Pea Island through one of my friends up here. Herbert's son married the sister of this friend. It is a small world indeed. See my previous blog about Herbert and Pea Island. Of course the Crush wrote his historical novel around a pre-pubescent girl. The SO also wrote that the Crush was always "interested in slavery." I had to laugh. She got that right. And he is interested in slavery in more ways than one. I don't think the Crush has told her that I called it quits and I certainly won't tell his SO anything. So I am still e-mailing with the SO who is delightful and the Crush is out in the cold. Serves him right!

Pea Island History

2012-01-20T11:09:00.002-05:00

Herbert M. Collins

A “Coast Guard Legend” died Sunday, March 14, according to a news release from the U.S. Coast Guard. Admiral T.W. Allen, Commandant, United States Coast Guard, sent the following message to notify the field. “It is with deep regret that I announce the passing of lieutenant Herbert M. Collins, USCG (Ret.), a legendary coast guardsman and the last surviving crewmember of the all-African American Pea Island Life Saving Station. Lieutenant Collins succumbed to cancer on Sunday evening, March 14th, surrounded by family and friends. Lieutenant Collins service to the Coast Guard and our nation alone is significant, especially in light of the challenges that African Americans faced as the service was integrated. Yet his legacy runs even deeper in our collective heritage as he was also the grand nephew of Dorman Pugh, one of seven Gold Life Saving Medal recipients from the Pea Island rescue of the crew of the stricken schooner E.S. Newman in 1896. When Lieutenant Collins retired in 1976, he and his family set the bar for the longest continuous family service in the Coast Guard, a record that began with his grandfather, Joseph H. Berry, in 1880. Born in 1921 in Manteo, North Carolina, Lieutenant Collins enlisted in the Coast Guard and attended boot camp in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. First assigned to the cutter Tallapoosa in Savannah, Collins served as a mess attendant. He then served at stations from Florida to Virginia, including aboard cutter Mendota in Norfolk, Va, alongside renowned author and Coast Guardsman, Alex Haley. Lieutenant Collins then transferred to the all-African American Life Saving Station at Pea Island where he served as a surfman for the duration of World War II. He and his fellow surfmen carried out vital search and rescue responsibilities and responded to a distressed ship that had been hit by a torpedo between the Pea Island and Chicamacomico Coast Guard Stations. In 1947, Lieutenant Collins ended an historic era in Coast Guard history as he handed over the keys when the Pea Island Station was decommissioned. He later received his commission and was promoted to the rank of lieutenant before retiring in 1976. After serving in the Coast Guard, Lieutenant Collins continued to be an outstanding advocate for our service. He shared his personal experiences and highlighted the proud history of African Americans who have served.” The extraordinary story of the heroes of Pea Island is the subject of a new film titled The Rescue Men, to which Lieutenant Collins contributed. A memorial service will be held at 1 p.m. on March 26, 2010 at the Hines-Rinaldi Funeral Home located at 11800 New Hampshire Avenue, Silver Spring, Md. Details of interment remain to be determined. (The Coastland Times [Manteo, NC] – Sunday,

Adieu Crush

2012-01-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

I finally got my fingers out of my mouth yesterday and decided to give the Crush a final send off that he would not forget. It was a "controlled" send off. His fantasies was one thing but his horrible language on top of it hit every raw nerve in me.
I am not the trashcan for his mental fantasies and aberrations. Today some more books came. He wrote a trilogy about an island and I realized that I know the family here who lived on that island. It is a small world. He seems to be a good writer but what a flawed person. Often happens.
I e-mailed his SO and thanked her for the books. She is the one who mailed them off anyway as this set went through the "business manger."
Off I go to sub at Adoration. It will be nice to get my thoughts and mind turned back to nicer things.

The rehab

2012-01-18T17:13:00.000-05:00

I went to the rehab today. My friend's daughter and sister were together in a lounge trying to get a plan together to keep my friend in the rehab. They are ready to throw her out despite the fact that the insurance still pays and my friend cannot do anything for herself yet. There is a nursing home on the 2nd floor but apparently no empty beds. Thats were she needs to go next.

The Crush

2012-01-18T15:57:00.000-05:00

I sort of half expected to get another e-mail from the Crush, despite having told him to stop e-mailing me. I got him so irate yesterday that he did send off another e-mail today and, of course, highly insulting. At this time I am trying to keep my fingers between my teeth and I am biting down hard because I would just love to tear him apart. And all the stupid stuff that he remembers because "he has total recall?" Well, he insists his memory is correct and I am now a liar because I have denied it. There really is no limit to his fantasy world.

Irate, irate

2012-01-17T19:21:00.000-05:00

The Crush got irate about Rolheiser and got more irate and more irate and suddenly I got several e-mails and I had to tell him to not e-mail me any longer. So I just got his last e-mail where he wished me a "good life." I will not respond. It started when? Jan 5th and ended Jan 17th. I need to put the Crush together with Chucky - a double grave. What a sweet thought.

How do you throw a big bomb?

2012-01-17T17:37:00.000-05:00

By mailing an article on chastity to the Crush. My, my that got under his skin. I wrote back that Rolheiser is one of my favorite writers and I thought he would enjoy an excellent essay on the subject - better than I could convey......
OF COURSE I WAS NOT LECTURING YOU.....
The Crush does not see the light and feels sorry for himself. I hope he goes back sulking.

The Holy Spirit

2012-01-17T12:32:00.002-05:00

She is coming on Saturday. That is why I am staying away.

Chucky is coming

2012-01-17T12:30:00.001-05:00

Heaven help us. It was raining today and I learned Chucky was coming. What next? An earthquake perhaps? I wrote Chucky's scribe a short note that he, Chucky, can stick - well, where do you stick these notes? Up, upon, on, on.....his microwave......Nowhere have I felt the duplicity more than with Chucky. Stick it to the little people and cater to the pompous. If I run into him, I will be on my best behavior. "How do you do, Sir?"

Evangelization of Chastity

2012-01-17T12:23:00.001-05:00

Seems to be my "job" wright now. I told the group last night to their absolute bemusement what has happened to me and that chastity is something that can quickly be forgotten even by celibate people and by middle age people. I think I made my point. So here comes the Rabbi with a very timely piece on Chastity by Fr. Ronald Rolheiser. Read my previous blog where I have copied this article. Of course I forwarded it to the Crush. I don't expect to hear back, except to tell me perhaps never to contact him again - and that would be fine, too.

Hear this.....hear this

2012-01-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

Chastity As Purity Of Heart And Intention

By Fr. Ronald Rolheiser

2012-01-15

To live a chaste life is not easy, not just for celibates, but for everyone. Even when our actions are all in line, it is still hard to live with a chaste heart, a chaste attitude, and chaste fantasies. Purity of heart and intention is very difficult.

Why? Chastity is difficult because we are so incurably sexual in every pore of our being. And that is not a bad thing. It's God's gift. Far from being something dirty and antithetical to our spiritual lives, sexuality is God's great gift, God's holy fire, inside us. And so the longing for consummation is a conscious or inchoate coloring underlying most every action in our lives.

And so it is hard to pray for chastity because to pray for it, seemingly, is to pray that sexual yearning and sexual energy should lessen within us or disappear altogether. And who wants to live an asexual and neutered life? No healthy person wants this. Thus, if you are healthy, it is hard to put your heart into praying for chastity because, deep down, nobody wants to be asexual.

But the problem is not with chastity but with our understanding of it. To be chaste does not mean that we become asexual (though spirituality has forever struggled to not make that equation). Chastity is not about denying our sexuality but about properly channeling it. To be chaste is to be pure of heart. That's the biblical notion of chastity. Jesus does not ask us to pray for chastity, he asks us to pray for "purity of heart": Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall see God. They also channel their sexuality properly.

What is purity of heart? To be pure of heart is to relate to others and the world in a way that respects and honors the full dignity, value, and destiny of every person and everything. To be pure of heart is to see others as God sees them. Purity of heart would have us loving others with their good (and not our own) in mind. Karl Rahner suggests that we are pure of heart when we see others against an infinite horizon, namely, inside of a vision that sees the other's dignity, individuality, life, dreams, and sexuality within the biggest ambiance of all, God's eternal plan. Purity of heart is purity of intention and full respect in love.

When we understand chastity in this way we can more easily pray for it. In this understanding we are not praying to have our sexual energies deadened, we are praying instead to remain fully red-blooded but with our sexual energies, intentions, and daydreams properly channeled. We are praying too for the kind of maturity, human and sexual, that fully respects others. In essence, we are praying for a deeper respect, a deeper maturity, and a more life-giving love.

And this is a much-needed prayer in our lives because sexuality is so powerful that even inside of a marriage relationship sexuality can still have an intentionality that is not wide enough. Charles Taylor, in his book, A Secular Age, argues the point that sex too-easily loses the big picture and becomes narrow in its focus, a point that is often missed in our understanding of it: "I am not trying to be condescending about our ancestors, because I think that there is a real tension involved in trying to combine in one life sexual fulfillment and piety. This is only in fact one of the points at which a more general tension, between human flourishing in general and dedication to God, makes itself felt. That this tension should be particularly evident in the sexual domain is readily understandable. Intense and profound sexual fulfillment focuses us powerfully on the exchange within the couple; it strongly attaches us possessively to what is privately shared. ... It is not for nothing that the early monks and hermits saw sexual renunciation as opening the way to the wider love of God ... [And] that there is a tension between fulfillment and piety should not surprise us in a world distorted by sin, that is separated from God. But we have to avoid turning this into a constitutive incompatibility." Unfortunately that is forever what both the secular world and Christian spirituality (without a proper understanding of chastity) struggle not to do.

Given the power of sexuality inside us, and given the power of our human drives and yearnings in general, it is not easy to live a chaste life. It is even more difficult, and rare, to have a chaste spirit, a chaste heart, chaste daydreams, and chaste intentions. Our hearts want what they want and pressure us to ignore the consequences. We can easily feel a certain repugnance to praying for chastity. But that is largely because we do not understand chastity properly: It is not a deadening of the heart, a stripping away of our sexuality, but a deeper maturity that lets our sexual energies flow out in a more life-giving way.

Mathilda

2012-01-16T21:14:00.002-05:00

http://sunshine-and-lollipops.blogspot.com/
Mathilda is blogging again. She is a great writer and loves to write about her grandchildren. I hope she continues.

The Son

2012-01-16T21:02:00.000-05:00

The "son" is coming to the US for several weeks and I am excited. We will need to talk a lot to catch up. It might be nice to have him celebrate Mass in the nursing home for my friend. Don't know if it is possible. Will have to check it out and will also need the various other things if a room would be available.

Our Social Gathering

2012-01-16T20:51:00.000-05:00

Our "Social" was a planning meeting tonight. They all want to hear about miracles and the Deacon in our group will give this talk starting next week. It might continue over several Mondays. They decided they did not want to stick with the Catechism but pick and choose subjects and we will use the Bill Keimig's RCIA program as a back-up. So all was settled including when we will stop in May of this year.

The e-mails

2012-01-16T18:09:00.000-05:00

I got another e-mail from the SO this morning. We are discussing St. Francis and Bible Classes - not a word any longer from the Crush. I am amazed that he is refusing to interact without being able to relive his sexual fantasies. It is all or nothing. So nothing it shall be.
The nun is anxious to read one of his books. The one I just finished is not bad but I don't read novels in general. I think the nun is more interested in reading the dedication in the front than the actual book. I will give her the book and she can keep it.
I am waiting for my social group to show up tonight. Last week I cancelled because the weather was so bad. Today it is cold but dry and I expect them all.

The next generation

2012-01-16T17:57:00.001-05:00

There is a younger woman in our parish and we have become friends. She is a convert. I met her at our Sauerkraut Festival in the temple a few month ago. Today we went to the Diner for breakfast and then a local Shrine. She did not know about their bookstore or gift shop and we browsed around for hours. I showed her Our Blessed Mother of Altoetting in the Shrine. Finally I suggested we pray just for a few minutes in front of one of the side altars. I felt compelled to pray at a particular one without knowing the reason. When I looked around it was the one that the Dominicans had donated in honor of Our Lady of the Rosary. I got chills. I did not tell my companion.
She had her son with her and I have seldom seen such a well behaved kid lately. Oh, yes, she had taken the RCIA classes at our temple and she said it left a lot to be desired. I told her it was probably different now that the Rabbi was in charge.
One of the things that she said was that when non-Catholics visit our Masses they are totally confused as to what is going on. The little pew cards we have now actually help somewhat but it is still insufficient.
I have always liked "stop and go" Masses every so often for that very reason.

From the youngest grandchild who is twelve

2012-01-15T18:12:00.000-05:00

She wrote on her wall:
I almost fell in the hallway yesterday. But nobody was around and so I was OK.

Canada

2012-01-15T17:54:00.000-05:00

Went up to Canada today with a family from our church. Mother and Father and son. Afterwards to the temple in Canada. It rounds it out nicely. The family wanted to go shopping and I went to O'Sheets by myself for fish and chips. I looooove their fish and chips.
Yesterday I saw this sign at a Methodist Church:

God is impartial
The Pastor is not
Go, Ravens go.

I am glad the pastor's prayers were answered.

The SO

2012-01-15T17:50:00.000-05:00

I got a very nice e-mail from the SO and I e-mailed back to her and her alone. Have not heard from the Crush any longer who is giving me the silent treatment. The slave got too uppity.
The SO wanted to know about Franciscans because I had e-mailed earlier that I go to Steubenville to the Franciscan U for courses every year. So I explained mendicant orders to her etc, etc. SO said she had a daughter-in-law who was Catholic but did not know a lot about her faith. Hm....I promised the SO some books and will include a book for the daughter-in-law by Scott Hahn. The Crush is nosy and will snoop around and so will see Scott Hahn's book as well. It is starting to get funny.....

The epiphany

2012-01-14T21:10:00.001-05:00

Today a light bulb went on and I could not believe it. Ever since the Crush came into my life I have been thinking WHY, WHY, WHY? A temptation? Perhaps, but it was not a big one. A diversion? What for? Today I suddenly realized that I was shown what a nice gift God actually gave me. I lived with the proverbial silver spoon in my mouth and while I knew that, I was not stirred to any particular thanksgiving about it. For my state of life I have been given a great gift of celibacy and chastity. Oh, yes, it is a gift. A horrendous, wonderful gift. Interestingly that I was shown this gift once before and years ago in a peculiar message. The message then was to practice and to strive for this gift. I realized now that I had received this gift to the fullest and that it gave me incredible freedom. I was no longer a slave but a son.....or daughter in this instance. I was living in the Kingdom of God as a free person. There was the silver spoon. It was humbling.

The Temple

2012-01-14T16:40:00.000-05:00

The temple has a separate chapel and in the future I will take care of flowers there. I am delighted. I used to do that for the chapel at the Seven Flags under the former pastor who just happened to be at the temple today. We did not run into each other. He was gone when I got there. He and the Crush have much in common. They are charmers, self-centered to the point of delusional, women have a tendency to throw themselves at their feet, and they are puffed up with their own importance. Who would have thought I would experience two charmers in my life. I should write a self help book: Living with charmers - the ins and outs of their lives. Charmers for Dummies: Save your money and don't get involved.

The Six Flags Church

2012-01-14T14:26:00.002-05:00

I subbed for Adoration for a couple this afternoon. There is another terrible ugly bronze statue in the prayer garden. It is new. So that makes two. The first one is ugly and this one is uglier. What it is supposed to be is any one's guess. It looks like a homeless person covered in blankets with stigmata. I felt I ought to put a cup there with a few quarters.

Vote for whom?

2012-01-14T09:36:00.003-05:00

This morning I saw this sign: Vote for Saint Rum. Vote for whom? Then I realized the "i" was missing. OK. Vote for Sant Rum. Finally I saw the O.

I would still like to vote for Saint Rum.

If you don't obey the master (crush continued)

2012-01-14T09:25:00.001-05:00

After the Crush was told the rules of engagement - and no ifs and buts 'bout it - he has become very perfunctory. "Tell me what you think of my novel when you are finished reading." I feel like one of his slaves in his novels. The master is displeased and the house slave is demoted to field slave. Well, the Crush is not getting what he wants and so he is pouting. It just makes me laugh.

This causes real excitement at the time

2012-01-13T19:41:00.002-05:00

http://bloodjournal.hematologylibrary.org/content/34/6/806

The Crush's response

2012-01-13T18:53:00.000-05:00

The Crush, quite predictably, does not want to hear anything about a chaste, brotherly love. "The young, beautiful girl I lovingly called Lara, so bright and so full of life and free spirit is gone from me forever....."
Well, there you have it. He will not mention the Lara of old again.
The Crush wrote that I had become almost like a "nun." Oy-veh. I am anything but. Anyway, no more heavy breathing into the keyboard on his part. If he wants to stay in touch with a "nun" now or not, remains to be seen.

The problem with famous people

2012-01-13T17:34:00.001-05:00

I had the fortune or misfortune to be loved by several people who had a national and international reputation and were quite well known within their own circles.
The problem with these men are that they usually get what they want. Women throw themselves at them. These men feel entitled, they do not take "no" for an answer, and they do not take it well when one sets rules of behavior. Their rule reigns. Oh they can be sweet. They also are smooth, good talkers, educated - of course!
When I met the Crush he was not famous yet but became famous later. When I met "mother", mother was famous and "mother" also fell madly in love with me. I was older (a ripe twenty-three!) and it took longer for me to fall in love with "mother" but as mentioned above: these men get what they want and "mother" did "get me." Of course I learned to love mother deeply.
Oh, there was a third person whom I rarely mention. That person was older, a multimillionaire, spoke six or seven languages and he came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. Sounds pretty romantic, doesn't it? It was but I was sixteen years of age! What he thought I have no idea but I was terrified.
Then, up until last summer, I was blessed with a great friendship. It was celibate, it was chaste. The guy was bigger than life and we had great times together. We knew the rules of behaviour from the get go. There was an incredible freedom in that.
Once you experience that, you do not give it up.

For the Rabbi

2012-01-13T12:26:00.001-05:00

Lara's Chaste Home Delivery Service is open.....

For those who don't know me - this is not an escort service......

The Rabbi

2012-01-13T12:24:00.000-05:00

The Rabbi dragged himself to the temple today and presented a most pitiful picture. I went to the Sacristy as I often do and he was asleep in his chair. I am surprised that he forced himself to come for temple services. We could have managed with morning prayer and communion.
What is happening to the Rabbi now is not quite unexpected. I have seen it several times. People go through a stressful time and seem to do OK and when that is over their own body finally rebels and they get sick. It is a variation of posttraumatic stress syndrome.
Unless the Rabbi is suffering from food poisoning, this is a classic example.

The Crush again

2012-01-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

The Crush wrote that I was his only blond crush ever. Does that make me the proverbial dumb blond? I wonder. I got a lovely e-mail from his SO telling me about her background and that her ancestry goes back to the Mayflower. I told her in return that my American ancestry starts and stops with me. It was a very nice exchange and the nun commented that I should become friends with her and drop the Crush. Could happen.
I went after the Crush again with words like celibate and chaste and brotherly/sisterly love. "Chaste" does not seem to be in his vocabulary. He wants to relieve his crush in a worldly manner (heavy breathing into the keyboard - well, not quite, but you get the picture) and now that I put a fence up he does not know how to communicate. He can only express his feelings is in a worldly and in the flesh manner and I am thinking: Lord, why me? We went around this issue of chastity a second time now and he wrote back that he won't communicate his "feelings" any longer. I replied that feelings can be expressed as long as they are expressed in a chaste manner. I wrote the "devil is in the detail." I wonder if he sees the humor in this. I doubt it. He seems to be in this all or nothing mode. I wanted to write him that I went to Adoration yesterday and today but he would not know what that was and probably think I adored him in a silent corner for a while.

The New Evangelization

2012-01-12T20:45:00.000-05:00

The Holy Father has appointed two of my Steubenville teachers as consultors to the Pontifical Council for Promoting the New Evangelization.
Dr. Curtis Martin who is also an adjunct lectorer the Augustine Institute in Denver where I want to get my Master's in Theology next -
and Dr. Petroc Willey, Great Britain, Dean of Graduate Research at Maryvale Institute, Birmingham. I saw Petroc last summer and could chat with him. He is one of the best, the best teachers of catechesis.
Really great news.

Romantic Spat

2012-01-12T18:28:00.001-05:00

Well the Crush and I had our first spat. The original problem was duplicity. Well, we solved that. Now the problem is that when I told him that I prefer a celibate and CHASTE life, he really has no clue what chaste means. That one could be unchaste by e-mail does not seem to occur to him. That is ROMANCE to him. That I don't want to relieve the romantic details of a hormone driven seventeen year old, he does not get. So we will go at it again.....Heaven help me. How many women have this problem at my age?

Morning prayer

2012-01-11T16:11:00.000-05:00

The Rabbi did not eat kosher and got sick. Every sin has its reward. So we had morning prayer and the new Deacon gave the homily and it was very nice. Afterwards to the Golden Arches. I told a few people in the group about the Crush. Everyone says: "50 years???!" Yep, 50 years. Actually things are settling down nicely with the Crush. I got one book so far. The dedication in the front is very nice. It told him I wanted a celibate relationship and a loving friendship and no sexual fantasies played out over the Internet. He got the message. The SO has also e-mailed a few times.

Historical Novels

2012-01-10T17:50:00.000-05:00

The Crush has written dozens of historial novels. Now I am going to get a bunch of them. I shall dutifully glance at them but it is not my kind of reading. I shall recycle. The Rabbi might enjoy one or two of them. He will get first pick. The rest will end up at Cravats.

Temper, Temper

2012-01-10T17:42:00.001-05:00

The Crush told me that I had a hair-trigger temper in the good old days. Not that I remember but I got frustrated with his conduct now, fifty years later, and let him have it again. As everyone already knows, he reversed his tune. Nice ending for a retired symphony conductor.

19 page views from the Dutch

2012-01-10T17:33:00.000-05:00

Today there were nineteen page views from the Netherlands. I am writing mostly about the Crush during the last few days. Usually there are no page views from the Netherlands. Does Crush mean cheese in Dutch? I am clueless.
Say Cheese.

The Crush

2012-01-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

Well the Crush caved in and decided he was going to tell his significant other and asked me to write again. Usually he forwards book requests to his SO immediately but since he had recognized my name he did not. Now he promised he would. So I wrote another note, inquired about the books, inquired about the Crush and he did forward it to his SO - per e-mail to the next room - most likely. They have separate e-mail accounts. The SO wrote back - it was a nice invitation to come visit actually. I have no time and no intention to do so ever. Now I wrote them BOTH in one e-mail and I shall see how it was received. That's what I had hoped to accomplish right from the get go. Since the Crush was a conductor he also should remember the monument to the author of Joyful, Joyful. We had walked around it many times with my parents following us. Oh, yes I was chaperoned. 99% it was successful.

So far

2012-01-09T17:36:00.001-05:00

I am cancelling bible class tonight. My drive way is slippery. Not worth worrying about people slipping. I plan to do some tax work tonight.
The son from China is coming soon. That should be nice. Need to make various preparations. Have a friend in California who really needs some money again. Tough decisions to make.

The Crush

2012-01-09T13:04:00.000-05:00

Well, the Crush now does want to tell his significant other. We shall see what happens. I told him that I could only see myself in his life with his partner, together, as a couple. Men are strange. He said he would never want to hurt his significant other in any way and yet was ready to hurt her in the most deceitful way known to woman!
All my friends are in hysterics of this. Obviously I made some impression on him way back then - so they claim. Well, yeah, but I wish he would grow up and leave his fantasies behind.

This was a quick reversal

2012-01-08T20:40:00.000-05:00

Actually I am quite ticked off at the Crush tonight. The more I think about it the more I am ticked off.

Dear John.......

2012-01-08T17:16:00.000-05:00

We both wrote our "Dear John" letters today. The Crush absolutely refuses to fill in his significant other and I wrote that if this relationship did not involve his significant other I did not want to be part of this reunion. He claims she would not understand. Not understand what? He's got a web page, advertises his books, is on Amazon. He is asking to be found now. I found him by accident. That should leave him off the hook and me too. It looks to me that he might have pulled this trick before and she probably would not believe him now even if this was a totally accidental reunion. Oh, well. My heart fluttered for 5 days.
What did he think I would be anyway? Mistress in the Internet closet? This thing did not pass the smell test.

No comment

2012-01-08T07:59:00.004-05:00

Sorry - he turned back into a frog

A change

2012-01-08T07:46:00.000-05:00

I am going up to Canada this morning taking all the things in my garage to hand out to the homeless. Someone who works with stiffs is coming along. That's no joke! No, he is not bringing any along. He is leaving those behind.
Afterwards to temple services up there.

Spiritual Director

2012-01-07T20:09:00.000-05:00

I thought today how nice it would be to have a spiritual director again with whom one could talk about various topics like guarding ones heart against Crushes. Other than that I could use a good night's sleep.

Menage a trois

2012-01-07T20:05:00.000-05:00

The nun thinks my situation is a "menage a trois." I told her that means all three know what they are doing - not in this case. This is not a "menage a trois." We took her mother out tonight but my story made them so hysterical that they peed in their pants. The nun thought that in the future she would have to wear her mother's depends. Finally, the nun said that there was never a dull moment with me. She got that right. I have not heard back from the Crush yet. The nun suggested that the Crush can start writing romance novels now.

The Crush continued

2012-01-07T16:46:00.000-05:00

The Crush e-mailed me and claimed he had total recall. Then he wanted to know if there was any significance to my suggesting to him he should write a novel "Swans in November." I wrote him back that I had suggested to him "Swans in Winter." So much for total recall......
But the biggie was that the Crush lives with a significant other and was not ready to tell her that his teenage love had re-entered his life. That confused me. The Rabbi helped out. The word I needed was "duplicity." So I just e-mailed him that not telling his significant other was a deal breaker. Either he comes clean with her or our e-mailing each other must cease. He ain't going to be happy but I felt he jilted me 50 years ago so I can let go of him now. It was fun while it lasted. My heart fluttered for three days......four days?

The Crush

2012-01-06T19:28:00.001-05:00

The Crush from the past e-mailed again. It is rather funny and interesting. He apparently even tried to contact me through the Khasakstani consulate and the newspapers in the Old Country a while back. I am glad he never could contact me because "mother" had a jealous streak and would have thrown a fit. He remembered that I called him once - way back - like forty years ago. That would have been before I knew "mother" but I remembered that it was he who called me this one time before my trail went cold. I was unhappy and hurt because he had broken up with me and he was unhappy that he had to break up with me because my father and brother apparently threatened him. Well, that was news to me but rings true. On the rebound both of us ended up with wrong partners. He got divorced. I got divorced. Later I met "mother" who madly had fallen in love me me but it took me some time to reciprocate. I was older and wiser and was not seventeen any longer. The crush times were over for me.

The Feldheim catalogue

2012-01-06T19:09:00.000-05:00

I am looking in bewilderment at the titles: The Satmar Rebbe, Techinos, Sifrei Maharal, the Hirsch Chumash. At least I know about Hirsch. Famous Orthodox Rabbi in Frankfurt. He hated the Reform Jews.

Remembrances of my favorite orchestra

2012-01-06T19:00:00.000-05:00

Cellists Fernando (Freddie) Hahnl, a Yugoslav who spoke at least 4 languages, and Brooklynite Kevork K Fags ("toidy-toid st. & toid ave.") were stand-partners during the summer and fall of 1954.

During a rehearsal in the downtown PX theater across from the Bahnhof, a mumbling arose from the Cello section. Schermerhorn continued conducting and we continued to play as the mumbling quickly grew in intensity. Suddenly, Hahnl jumped up and, enraged, screamed "Faags, you domb sheet--you caan't heeven spik no Henglish!!" Schermerhorn, doubled up in hysterical laughter, nearly fell off the podium as pandemonium reigned for the next few minutes.

This archbishop is now cardinal as well

2012-01-06T18:08:00.002-05:00

The Deacon

2012-01-06T12:05:00.002-05:00

Did really a very nice job with his first homily. First I thought "where is he going with this?" It turned out lovely.

A new birdie

2012-01-06T12:04:00.000-05:00

Our archbishop became a cardinal. He should add more lead to his staff and hit Chucky over the head - just by accident. Clonk! Sorry!

Canada

2012-01-06T12:03:00.000-05:00

I looked at my calendar I have two runs to Canada planned. My garage is full. So there is plenty to hand out. Next week I am taking members of the youth group. That should clean out the closet at the temple. I am sure they will be happy about that.

Do you see God in your neighbor?

2012-01-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

I have a friend who had a stroke and all I can see is God on the cross. No broken bones but a broken body. It is not a pretty picture. I actually want to run away. Look at this from a safe distance. It is too depressing to watch close up. Today she was supposed to find certain numbers on a sheet of paper and cross them out. Something that would take a normal person seconds, takes forever - with coaxing and prodding!

Bible Class and the rest of the story

2012-01-05T18:52:00.001-05:00

I was happy to be back in bible class today. I think we all were. Went out with a little old man for lunch. His wife died recently and we talked about his wife and his family. He has 10 kids - all adults. We all used to go out together when mother was still alive.

Have you ever wondered what happened to your teenage crush?

2012-01-05T18:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I stumbled onto a web page and it was my teenage crush. Now an old man. I stayed young. He only became old. I almost fainted. He had a very distinguished professional career and now writes books. That why I found him I guess. His web page invited viewers to contact him to get an autographed copy of one of his books. So I e-mailed. Just asked for a book and gave my full name with maiden name. I figured if he remembered fine and if he did not, doubly fine. I got immediately several e-mails. I was his first big love - so he says now. He remembered a few things about me - how we met for example - which I did not remember and I remembered how we broke up! It was amusing.

One of those German Hits which make you laugh

2012-01-04T19:10:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=8WeoaujEfrE
Andre Rieu is not German - he is Dutch - but the song is German, Andre brings out the best in all of us.

My backyard - Markgroeningen

2012-01-04T18:35:00.003-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=0xDxXSvl18Y
This is the annual dance of the shepherds.....Yes, that is their profession. We still have a few.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ST8EvGobnyo
The king for the year is the one who wins the race - barefoot - over a wheatfield that has been harvested. You try! it hurts if you don't have hardened soles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Sla7OYa0Ak4
The women have their own race which determines the queen for the year.

So you wanted to learn Yiddish

2012-01-04T18:27:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lDkHRKQgOlY

Yiddish is actually very close to the Swabian dialect. Yiddish uses "ebbes" and in the Swabian dialect there is "ebbes." I know of no other German dialect that uses this word.

Where else does God weep?

2012-01-04T17:04:00.002-05:00

Stroke

2012-01-04T16:46:00.000-05:00

I will pray every night that I won't suffer from a stroke. This is the first time actually in my life that I have a close friend who had a severe stroke. Mother always said that the one thing she would not want to have was a stroke. Mercifully God heard her prayers and she died of congestive heart failure. I don't think this friend will ever be independent ever again. There is a different person in a broken body now. No, she is not a vegetable but she is vegetating. Mostly she looks into her lap. Momentarily she will look up, greet you, and then we just both sit there. She cannot read. When in bed, she looks at her neighbor's TV on the wall and who knows what she actually understands but watching TV is about the only thing she CAN do. Oh, yes, she can feed herself. A few bites with her unparalyzed hand. End of activities. She can't reach, can't sit up, can't get out of bed. There is no normal conversation - just a few polite phrases. Yes, she remembers her prayers. When I pray with her, she prays, too. I like to visit her but I am so glad to leave again. Sooner or later there will come the next hell because the rehab will terminate and she will have to go to a nursing home.
A physician friend told me the other day that when a person has had such a severe stroke the most humane thing would be another stroke. That would be the end. What does one pray for in these instances? A miracle for recovery? Death by prayer? When the good Lord said: "My yoke is light" to my friend I wonder what he was thinking!

This one of the other Marian pilgrimage sites in Kevelaer, Germany

2012-01-03T18:11:00.000-05:00

Dreikoenigskuchen

2012-01-03T17:46:00.003-05:00

Brush up on your Swiss German or you won't know how to make this.....

Bible Study

2012-01-03T17:29:00.000-05:00

I am looking at my calendar and this Thursday the first bible study starts up again. So I will get my books out now and prepare my lesson. This has been a really nice surprise as far as bible classes go. Next week all of them start again.
I am so happy at my new temple that I am actually afraid that something bad might happen. I keep thinking: "This can't last." I would like to let go of the bible class at the Crucified but don't want to put all my marbles in one basket yet.